In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

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Self-Pity

Caveat mirator

I recently read an examination of conscience especially written for single people. It focused on the vice of self-pity. Singles feel they don’t have that special someone to share everything with. It makes sense that self-pity would afflict them.

As I read it, though, I couldn’t think why self-pity would be such a bad thing, something that you would identify as the main problem of your spiritual life.

Boy, oh, boy! That’s when it hit!

Piece of advice: Don’t wonder stuff about God unless you really want an answer. Which… you know. You should. But just “caveat mirator”… or something…

Grows out of doubt

Self-pity is born out of misplacing your self-worth. When Vanity is the cause, for example, self-pity comes from comparison. Someone else is in a better place than you. He has better tools. Of course he can do better than you can. His increase in worth makes you useless. Your resentment for that person, as well as for those observing, grows.

When Pride is the cause, self-pity comes from believing that you know better than God. You know you can’t do anything with this situation. The tools He’s provided are insufficient. He should know you can’t do any good here. You identify your worth and ability with something that isn’t present. The end result is the same as that of vanity: you can’t stand yourself or other people.

Resentment

Like any good vice, self-pity comes of loving yourself too much. It is a strong discouragement to charity. It focuses your attention on what you can’t do instead of allowing you to appreciate the goods around you.

When self-pity grabs you, that place you’re in, those people you’re with, are stifling. You want to be anywhere else but there. You close up so you really can’t help them. You don’t want to hear their goods and bads; none of that will help you with your own.

This causes resentment towards those around you who can’t see your struggles. Every person seems to add to your pain rather than relieve it. Self-pity grows into resentment.

Self-examination

The difficulty with self-pity is that it touches so many aspects of our lives. It is hard to find one virtue that will stomp it out. Sometimes it must be fought with gratitude, sometimes with perspective, sometimes with charity, sometimes with a stiff upper lip. In most cases, it will be a mixture of many virtues.

Self-pity comes from a misplaced sense of worth. We feel sorry for ourselves when circumstances seem to prove us worthless after all. The all-encompassing virtue that fights this lack of self-worth is Confidence. We must grow in Confidence of ourselves, but more than anything, we must grow in confidence of God and His love for us.

We must trust that God means us to be here, now, with these people, and that we must use the tools He has given us and no others.

In all circumstances give thanks.